Gothic Dating 101

Goths
Goth is a subculture that has been popular in many countries for over two decades (and many people would say much longer). Some believe that the goth scene originated in the early 1980s in the United Kingdom, as a result of musical groups such as Siouxsie and the Banshees, the Cure and Bauhaus. Goths occupy a tight-knit community, and you will often find Goths dating fellow goths.

Benefits
One great way to meet fellow goths to date is perhaps by going to Gothic gig or nightclubs. Even if there isn’t an exclusively goth nightclub in your area, it’s highly likely that some of the clubs in your area will host a weekly goth night. If you are in high school or college, you might be able to come across other goths at school for dating, but it will be a lot easier to find dating partners if you have more people to choose from. Another good place to meet goths for dating is at gothic fashion stores such as Hot Topic.

Considerations
Use an online service. The Internet offers many free dating services with listings of goths all over the world, country and of course, in your area. A great examples of gothic dating websites is Goth Scene. Of course, you can also meet goth individuals on other, more broad social networking websites such as MySpaceand Facebook.

Effects
Goths tend to bond over many shared interests, such as style and fashion, social beliefs, political issues, movies, television and of course, most importantly, music. Many people (but not all) who join the gothic subculture tend to bond over feelings such as alienation, loneliness and isolation in society. So for those reasons alone, it might be a good idea to find a fellow goth to date. After all, it’s not as likely that a goth is going to have a lot in common with a football jock or someone equally different.

Expert Insight
A great way to bond with your goth significant other is by perhaps writing him or her gothic poetry, exchanging artwork, sharing books and taste in music and going out to a gothic club dancing are all fun ideas. Exchanging makeup products (pale foundation and dark eyeliner) or do each others make-up for a laugh!

Warning
It is also important to remember never to generalize. Goths are people just like everyone else. Not all goths are going to act the same way. Not all goths are necessarily going to like dark indie rock like Bauhaus and the Cure. Not all goths are going to like sad poetry and Anne Rice novels. If you want to snag your ideal goth special someone, just be yourself, act naturally and it should all fall into place. Good luck.

How to date a Gothic Guy even when your not Goth

Just because you aren’t Gothic doesn’t mean you can’t be with a guy who is–he’s just like anyone else. You may look at your girlie clothes and pretty hair and think there’s no way your Gothic crush would be attracted to you, but unless you try you don’t know for sure.

Be yourself. Don’t try to change your appearance or attitude to match what you think he’d like you to be. If he isn’t into you for who you really are, find someone else who is.

Approach him easily without coming on too strongly. Ask him what book he’s reading or what music he’s listening to–something to start a conversation. Casually say hello when passing him in the hallway or smile at him in class.

Find something you have in common, such as a class or a hobby. This gives you something to talk about while you get to know him, and gives you an excuse to be where he is, like the soccer court or record store.

Treat the guy as an individual, not just another stereotypical Gothic male who hates everything. Find out what type of person he is aside from the black nail polish and trench coat.

Ask him out. After you talk to him a few times and find out what he’s into, ask him to go to a concert or hang out at a favorite café or park. Meet him where he’s most comfortable, even if it’s with his entire group of friends, to make him feel less intimidated. Eventually you can bring him into your world too and see how you two work together.

Talk to him. Realize he’s just a person and just like any other guy. Don’t be afraid to just say hi and introduce yourself and see where it goes.

Avoid asking a guy out just because he’s Gothic. Get to know him as a person to find out if your personalities mesh well together.

Win a Goth Girl’s heart

Even though she’s clad in all black and adorned with skulls and spiders, a Gothic girl has a special place in her heart for romance. It takes a special touch and a special person to win a Gothic girl’s heart. Black candles and myrrh incense will help, as will these simple tips.

Step 1: Bring her dead flowers, or at least black ones. Most florists would be overjoyed to hook up a special order of a dozen black roses infused with grayish-blue baby’s breath.

Step 2: Plan romantic outings, like a picnic in the cemetery or an excursion out to an abandoned farm or condemned apartment buildings.

Step 3: Set the scene for a sexy evening by lighting black candles, myrrh incense and flipping on some deep, haunting cello music.

Step4: Write a dramatic yet heartfelt poem about how you’d die for her and how everyone should die, period.

Step 5: Offer to help with her chores, like picking up her vampire cape or eighteenth-century corsets from the dry cleaner.

Step 6: Accept her the way she is and love every minute of it.

Other special gifts include skulls, crossbones, bats and spiders. You can do well on post-Halloween sales to stock up on gifts to give her throughout the year.

Don’t pretend to be a Goth if you’re not comfortable with it just to appease her. But do convert if it feels right.

Let her be herself when she meets the parents.

Never make fun of her makeup, hairstyle or wardrobe.

Never try to change her.

How to Date a Vampire

Right away, you know that this pairing has some inherent problems. Yes, it has a certain Goth-appeal to it, and who wouldn’t want to date an immortal? But you also know that it’s going to have that Romeo and Juliet “star-crossed lovers” thing going on. Here are some ways to navigate the tricky terrain of dating a vampire.

Step 1
Make sure your vampire date is the vegetarian type. After all, this is just a date, not how to become his eternal bride. If he gets his fangs into you, the dating is over and the wedding planning begins.

Step 2
Go Goth. Your vampire wouldn’t be caught dead, or undead, with a preppy type. Get into the right look and that vampire will be looking your way.

Step 3
Take an interest in your vampire’s undead life. The undead have a whole set of problems you never even dreamed of, like not being able to get a good tan. Be supportive when he’s feeling a little isolated. It isn’t easy being a vampire.

Step 4
Learn to get by on a lot less sleep. After sneaking out at midnight and staying up all night, you’ll still have to get up at 9 a.m. Deal with it. Get some extra makeup to hide those bags under your eyes.

Step 5
Tell your vampire he looks great, even when he doesn’t. Remember, your vampire date can’t see himself in a mirror. This makes for all sorts of difficulties in the grooming department.

Don’t tell a soul, living or undead about your vampire date. This just isn’t going to fly with the parental units. If they find out, you’re probably grounded until you’re too old to date. Besides, isn’t this part of the appeal?

How to Write a Gothic Love Letter

First, if you are in love with a goth, odds are you may be goth yourself. You may share your true love’s favorite bands, clothing, hairstyles, ideas, lifestyle and macabre sense of humor. But even if you’re not, attention to what your goth beloved likes is the way to make a positive impression. Opposites attract — so be real, and treat your goth beloved as a goth.

If you are a goth, you might know all this, but you might be amused. So read on. If not, these are important things to remember about goths. Never mind that the look is all dressed in black, dyed black hair, makeup, and so on — that’s heraldry. That’s recognition so that you can tell who’s a goth and listens to your music. Listen to goth music and look up the lyrics. Many goths are socially critical. Many goths are intelligent deep people who may seem depressed because they don’t avoid dark topics, denial is the antithesis of goth. Many goths are actually cheerful happy people — think of Didi in the Sandman comics as the archetypal cool goth person. She’s nowhere near as depressed as Sandman. She looks at the dark side of life and still has a smile and a warm heart. Goths also appreciate a sense of humor, and the greatest source of goth humor is easily available — check out The Addams Family movies and the old TV show. If you are getting romantic with a goth, you’re Morticia or you’re Gomez. Get flamboyant, get intense, don’t be selfconscious at all. Write up a first draft of your letter in a plain notebook with a pencil, you want the words to be good. Read it aloud. If you need to take a breath before finishing the sentence, break the sentence. It’s too easy to create hard to read paragraph-long sentences when you’re writing emotionally.
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How to increase your chances of Dating a Goth

So, you want to go to the dark side and snag a goth sweetheart. Tap into your self-loathing, start writing gloomy poetry, add a little hair dye, foster an anemic complexion, and voila! You’re in the running to attract the deepest, darkest, most misunderstood goth partner around.

Step 1
Rename yourself. Pick a spooky, weird name like Crow or Tarantula.

Step 2
Dye your hair black.

Step 3
Go out only at night to ensure your complexion is as pale as possible. Too dark complected? Apply some light face powder. The whiter, the better to contrast with your black hair.

Step 4
Apply dark red or black lipstick and matching nail polish to go with your new cadaverous complexion.

Step 5
Pull on some fishnet stockings, which aren’t just for girls anymore. Sure, wear them on your legs. But you can also slip them over your head or cut the legs and feet off and wear them like on your arms.

Step 6
Collect some sad, pathetic music and play it many times until you actually feel the lyrics running through your cooled veins. Marilyn Manson and Sisters of Mercy are good choices.

Step 7
Read all the Anne Rice novels you can get your hands on, and decorate your room with a few hobbits and gargoyles.

Step 8
Find a date online at Goth Scene. Or just hang out at the mall looking forlorn and bitter. Some other woefully misunderstood goth soul is bound to sweep his or her black duster in your direction.

How to Get a Gothic Boyfriend

You might think that getting a goth boyfriend in crosses too many of the invisible but very real social boundaries that govern your school. Whether you like a guy who happens to be a goth or you simply want a goth boyfriend, there are a few steps to follow to start a romance with a goth.

Step1
Get some background in goth culture by starting off with some of the music that’s considered foundational to the goth subculture. Listen to Bauhaus, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Adam and the Ants, The Cure and some British post-punk rock. Also start to familiarize yourself with goth literature such as Anne Rice, Edgar Allen Poe and even the tale of the Headless Horseman.

Step2
Find out where the goth crowd at your high school hangs out and who’s part of the crowd. If you have goth kids in any of your classes start talking to them and don’t be intimidated by the goth dress and makeup since this is just a part of goth culture.

Step3
Get yourself invited to a goth hangout or head to a local goth shows. Add a little touch of goth style without doing an overnight transformation by putting on some eyeliner, black lipstick, black nail polish or simply wearing a T-shirt of one of the better known and well respected goth bands so you stand out to a potential boyfriend.

Step4
Turn to goth sites and social networks like Goth Passions and Goth Scene if you find you need a little help meeting high school goths or getting a better understanding of goth culture.

Step5
Pick up on some goth slang to add a little extra flare of the gothic so your potential boyfriend comes to you. Focus on the different, obscure goth types such as “perky goth,” or a goth who pretends to be happy for the sake of being ironic, a “plasti-goth,” or goth poser, and a Mansonite, or devotee of goth-pop king Marilyn Manson.

How to Attract a Gothic Girl

You see her from across the room and you know that you just have to find a way to meet her. Her milky white skin and jet black hair just seems to be calling you. Who cares if she’s a goth girl and you’re not a goth guy? You can still meet her. You’ll want to find out what she likes, then you can attract that goth girl.

Step1
Learn more about the goth lifestyle and what you can do to fit into that world. Goths aren’t devil worshippers, but more like people who go with their own flow. They like to do what they feel instead of doing what other people tell them.

Step2
Find out what her interests are and what she likes. Ask her friends for a little help, or keep an eye on what she does during the day. You might discover that she loves a specific poet, which can give you a great opening.

Step3
Approach her by asking a question about something she’s wearing or something she said in class. If she’s wearing a band tee-shirt, ask her if she’s ever seen them in concert, or what her favorite song is, so you have something to talk about.

Step4
Be her friend and take things slow. Disregard any rumors or stories you’ve heard about goth girls and focus on the type of person she is instead of what you’ve heard. Build a rapport with her and she’ll be more likely to feel an attraction to you.

Step5
Ask her out on a group date to start out because that takes the pressure off both of you. Ask her to bring along a few of her close friends and you bring along a couple of yours. This puts you both in neutral territory and she’ll be more likely to open up to you.

Tips & Warnings
* Find common ground by looking for things you have in common. This gives you something to talk about and you don’t have to fake an interest.
* Don’t even think about approaching her if the only thing you know about goth is one Marilyn Manson song. She’ll see right through you and move quickly in the opposite direction.
* Don’t turn yourself into a goth guy if that’s not the kind of person you are. Not only does it look phony, but she’ll find it completely unattractive.